Chapter 21: Truth About Honesty

“Anytime today Celeste.” Justin waved his hand in front of her face to pull her from her trance. He had been waiting for the past ten or fifteen minutes for her to say something.

“Oh sorry.” Celeste sighed for the hundredth time that night.

“Stop apologizing for God’s sake and spill it.”

“It’s not that easy!’ She suddenly yelled, but lowered her voice to a whisper to avoid waking Tati. “I really don’t know how to tell you this because I’ve never told anyone before.”

“Oh…” Justin was at a lost of words. He suddenly felt like the biggest ass in the universe. He was never in a position where he had to feel sympathy for someone until now.

“Sorry. I’m listening.” He figured that was sincere enough. Justin even patted her hand to prove his sincerity.

“Where do I begin?”

“Start with what you are most comfortable revealing to me and then you can tell me the juicy details.” Justin tried to hide his enthusiasm, but he was failing miserably at it.

“There are no juicy details believe me. Um… my father-”

“Wait this is about your father?” His smile quickly fell into a frown. “I don’t wanna hear anymore. Let’s just go back to sleep.” He fluffed his pillow and positioned it behind his head.

“The only bad part about this is that my father is dead, three years ago he died and no one could ever tell my mother what really happened.”

“Your father is dead? Wait…what…I thought. Never mind. Why didn’t you tell me that he was dead? You sat there and let me trash talk ya pop like that, calling him deadbeat and all kinds of shit. I even told half-pint that she doesn’t need her father. Damn it Celeste you should have told me….”

“Wait I’m sorry.” He reached over to pat her on the back. She wasn’t crying now, but based on previous encounters Justin knew to expect her to cry at anytime, little did he know he was working with a new Celeste.

“I told you he was dead, but I figured you forgot so I didn’t see the need to remind you.”

Justin nodded his head at her explanation, but he couldn’t help but wonder why she was acting so nonchalant about her father being dead.

“You remember that day when I was gone for a long time?” She continued when he shook his head. “Well I went to my father’s grave that day it was his death anniversary…” Celeste twirled a curly tendril around her forefinger as her voice trailed off.

“Is that how you ended up here? I mean with me?”  

“No. My stepfather is an oppressive jerk with shit for brains. He hates me because I am so much like my father. I wanted my mother to leave him for three years because he was just using her, she didn’t see what he was really like until that night I ended up here.” She wasn’t going to tell him how they had run away and Frank had caught them.

“You ran away didn’t you? From Frank right?” He remembered both Celeste and half-pint mentioning him. Now it was all making sense to him. Why Celeste was so secluded from the world, her mood swings, all of it was clear now. But he had to admit that he admired her courage for being able to leave her stepfather.

“Yeah we did, but he found us. Only I and Tati got away though. I…I don’t know…what happened to my mother.” Celeste cringed wiping away the cascading tears. The persistent sound of her mothers’ screams suddenly invaded her mind.

“I just wish I could have told her I loved her one last time.” She hadn’t got the chance to tell her father either.

Justin observed her somber state and couldn’t help, but feel sorry for her. He didn’t want to ask her about her mother’s whereabouts, for fear that Celeste may think that she would never see her mother again and there was no reason for her to feel that way.

“Um…well you can stay here as long as you like. Despite how many times I told you I was going to put you out I was just pissed off. I really am a nice guy when I want to be and I’m great with half pint.”

“You take great care of her. She doesn’t ask about daddy as much as she used to. Thanks.” Celeste kept her attention directed on Tatiyana through the whole entire conversation, successfully managing not to look at Justin because if she looked at him she knew her wall of confidence would drop immediately.

“Ya welcome, but what about you? Who will take great care of you?” Justin didn’t mean for that question to come out as suggestive as it had. He was just curious about who was going to make her life better. He certainly hoped she would not say Kyle because if he ever stepped within one millimeter of Celeste he was going to pay the price and that was a threat, a silent threat, but a threat nonetheless.

“I can take care of myself.” Justin sighed in relief. That was better than saying Kyle would take care of her, but it still wasn’t good enough for him.

“I’ll take care of you, great care. Let’s start with a hug. I’m not a real emotional guy this is all I can give, sorry no tears shedding over this way.” He chuckled and opened his arms wide waiting for her to accept his embrace. At least sentimental thoughts would keep him from thinking indecent thoughts about Celeste.

Celeste forced a smile to her face even though she was clearly quivering with anxiety, but nevertheless she moved into his arms.

“You aren’t crying are you?” Justin looked down into her face, and saw the wetness on her cheeks. “I swear I never met someone so emotional in my life.” Her tears were already settling on his bare chest.

“I know I’m such a sap.” She pouted burying her face deeper in his chest to hide her embarrassment.

“You’re not a sap…” His words trailed off when her breathing hitched or was that his breath that hitched? He confirmed that it was his when Celeste stared up at him with a questionable gaze.

“I’m sorry did I hurt you?” She checked his chest for bruises with her eyes. A few abrasions covered the middle of his chest, but one large scar caught her glance.

“Yeah you did, but that’s a’ight.”

“Does it still hurt?” Celeste wiped the tears from her face and sat up like she just wasn’t on the brink of an outburst a few minutes ago.

“A little, but I’ll live.” He was used to the bruises by now. It was the price to pay in return for some money to help him survive.

“You always say that. You never let me clean up your scars because of your stupid male ego. I’ll take care of it.” Before he could protest she rose from the bed and rushed into the bathroom.

“I may have an ego, but you are so stubborn sometimes Celeste. It’s not like you listen to what I have to say anyway.”

She peered back in the room to frown at him, “I do listen to what ya have to say Justin even when I think it’s stupid.” Celeste returned to the room with a bucket of warm water and a damp rag.

“Why don’t you just let someone help you for a change, I mean I have nothing else better to do. If it wasn’t for Bridget and Kyle I would be stuck in this house all day while you go wherever it is you go everyday.”  

Justin grimaced at hearing Kyle’s name. “Celeste I’m gonna try to be nice when I say this. I want you to watch your back while you‘re around that bastard. He’s a man who only wants one thing from women.”

Not that Justin himself didn’t have sex with women, it was just that he could tell that Celeste was one of the few nice girls out there, who needed to be wined and dined first before committing to a physical relationship. He didn’t want to be the one to have to pick up the pieces when Kyle mistreated Celeste because she wouldn’t be able to handle it. That’s why he was attempting to push his sexual thoughts for her to the back of his mind because he knew that in the end he would just end up hurting her. To put it simply, Justin and relationships didn’t mix.

“Justin he’s not even interested in me. I’m sure he only hangs out with me to get closer to Bridget.” She moved closer to him, draping the towel over his shoulder.

Justin noticed her gaze avert. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t find herself attractive. Standing before him dressed in just a tank top and boy shorts, she looked very appealing. He was trying hard not to have sexual thoughts about her as it is and failing miserably at it. If she was as self-conscious as she appeared why didn’t she have a problem sleeping near him half-clothed?

When Celeste reached for his hand to wipe the dried blood from his knuckles, he stilled her movements.

“Celeste you’re a nice looking girl.”

“You’re just trying to be nice to me because you feel sorry for me.” Celeste forced a small smile.

“What did I tell you about always expecting the worst?” He just wished she would start opening up more and just be herself. That was the only reason he felt sorry for her.

“That is really hard to do Justin when you’ve had the kind of life that I had-still have.” She retrieved the rag from the bucket and squeezed the excess water from the cloth.

“Hey I had-still have a hard life too. I’m not exactly living a life of luxury here Celeste. But I’m not complaining. I just keep on going. I worked too hard for my shit to not be proud of it.”

Celeste knew he was right. He had his own share of bad experiences just like her. But there was one difference between the two of them; he had something to be proud of. While she on the other hand had nothing to be proud of and she told Justin that.

“Of course you do. You’ve come a long way since we first met. You’re starting to be yourself now. You should be proud of that. I like the new you.” The new Celeste was less sheltered and not as much of a firecracker as she used to be. The old Celeste would not be willing to listen to anything Justin had to say, but all that changed now. Some would say that too had changed for the better.

“You know Kyle said that he liked the new me too.” She laughed to herself.

Why did she keep bringing “him” into the conversation? “What the fuck is so funny about that?”

“Oh nothing. Give me your hand.” Celeste tried to hide her laughter, but failed.

“Oh hell yes it is something because I just said fuck and you didn’t even care. Has that asshole been talking shit about me behind my back?” Celeste discontinued her laughter when she saw his face contort in anger.

“What’s wrong?”

Was she really going to act like she didn’t know what was going on? She and Kyle had been spending entirely too much time together and he didn’t like it one bit.

Celeste noted the scowl on his face. “Are you jealous?”  

“No I’m just stingy as a mother fucker. We were just starting to become friends and he comes in and steals you away from me. He thinks I don’t know what he’s up to? Well I got news for him, Justin knows everything.”

“That is the sweetest thing you have ever said to me.” She feigned delight.

When she smiled at him, Justin’s anger dissipated, “Well…I guess we can go back to sleep now.”

“No stay up with me. I’m not sleepy anymore and I could use your company.”

“Damn you and your sister.” Justin moved to the edge of the bed where she was sitting. He figured he could stay up with her for a few more hours. What was the harm in losing more hours of sleep anyway?

Celeste proceeded to clean the rest of his bruises before he could protest, “What do you do when you get really bad bruises?” She reached for his other hand to clean the dried blood from his knuckles.

“I’ve learned to deal with it.”  After so many years of the same routine he was used to the bruises by now.

“But what if you get an infection?”

“Look Celeste will you stop with the questions? My head is hurting.” Justin leaned his head against the wall and lifted his leg up to rest it atop the wooden nightstand.

“That has nothing to do with me. You have a knot as big as your ego on your forehead.” Celeste laughed heartily. Justin was not amused.

“That was not funny.”

“Aww I’m sorry Justin. Did I hurt your feelings?” She leaned her head against his shoulder.

“No.” He squeezed her arm gently. “Are you gonna be okay?” He moved his head from the wall to rest it atop hers and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair.

“Yeah it’s been three years so I’ve learned to live with the fact that my father is dead.” Yes it was true that she had learned to live with her father’s death, but that didn’t ease the grief she had to live with everyday.

“I wasn’t talking about your father Celeste. I meant you. You know you have- I’m not even going to say it because I know your ass is going to start crying again.” He smoothed his hand down the goose bumps on her arm.

Celeste smiled a little and hit his arm. “What happened to the sentimental Justin I had the pleasure of talking with a few seconds ago?”

“He’s gone.” The sentimental Justin got him in trouble, while the normally rude Justin was effective at hiding his feelings. Celeste didn’t even have the slightest clue that he was feeling her in the worst way possible and she would never know if it was up to him.

“Well bring him back…” She paused to look up at him. “I like that Justin.”

What was she saying?  So many thoughts were running through his head. When he saw her gaze drop from his eyes to settle on his lips he wondered what was going through her head at the moment. Several options registered in his mind, but he shook them off.

“Oh well I can not bring him back.” Justin’s voice lowered to a husky pitch. If he brought back sentimental Justin he would not be responsible for what he might do.

Before she knew what she was doing, she found herself moving closer to him. Their faces were mere inches apart. “You can and you will.” Wherever the burst of confidence came from she didn’t know, all she knew was that curiosity suddenly won her over and seconds later she was leaning in to taste his lips.

It was she who moved in first not the other way around as expected. In fact Justin didn’t move at all he just sat there with his arm wrapped loosely around her, waiting. It surprised him that she mustered up the courage to make the first move and kiss him. He hadn’t known she had it in her.

Celeste was hesitant, which Justin clearly picked up on when she flattened her palm against his chest. The chill of her hand cooled his desire to just move in on her himself, he didn’t want to frighten her.

She didn’t look up into his eyes for fear of what she would read in them, like rejection. If she looked up into his eyes, rejection wouldn’t be what she would see, but she never did look up. Celeste released a sigh and then eliminated any space left between them when her lips finally touched his.

Neither made any initiative to move the kiss to the next level. With Celeste’s inexperience, Justin was careful not to touch her. Besides, it appeared that all Celeste wanted was to feel his lips against hers and nothing more. Seconds later, she moved away and pressed her fingers to his lips and then her own.

“That’s it?” Soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them. He sounded insincere and he knew she thought so too when she frowned.

Celeste stared down at her tangled hands. “I know I’m not good at it. I shouldn’t have done it. It’s just that I wanted to…I wanted to know what it felt like to kiss you.” It wasn’t that she was a bad kisser, just inexperienced. A little more practice and she would be a good kisser. Besides she already had soft supple lips.

“ I’m-”

“Celeste shut up and look at me.” He knew she was going to apologize but what was the use? He had enjoyed it as minimal as it had been.

Celeste did as he asked. When he finally had her full attention he grabbed both of her hands in his. “You ain’t a bad kisser okay?”

“Sentimental Justin again?”

Justin nodded, “Only sentimental Justin would do this.” He abruptly leaned into her before she had the chance to catch her breath.

Celeste watched his head lower toward hers. She tried to say something but her breathing suddenly became shallow when he rubbed his nose against hers.

“Wait…” She wasn’t ready for this. It was different when she was the one doing the controlling, but now as he leaned in ready to kiss her, he was doing the controlling.

“No.” He wasn’t stopping, even as she placed her hands against his chest.

“But-”

 “Shut up.” He scolded, thinking that Celeste really knew how to ruin a good moment.

“What are you doing?” The hesitancy was clear in her voice even as her hand cradled at the back of his neck.

“Celeste just shut up…please shut up.” He couldn’t be sentimental Justin if she kept running off at the mouth.

She heard the command and surprised herself when she followed his instructions. Celeste closed her eyes when she felt his face near hers again.

Justin chuckled at her nervousness. “Relax Celeste.”

“Don’t laugh at me please. If you’re going do it just do it and get it over with so I can get back to sleep.”

Whoa!  If he hadn’t know any better he would have thought that Celeste was undermining his ability in the kissing department.

Justin laughed again, but before she could say anything he quickly leaned in causing Celeste to take a deep breath.

“Open your eyes.” His breath tickled her lips.

“Why?” She was breathing rapidly and barely listening to him.

“I want you to look at me when I do this.” Justin knew that what he was about to do was going to be a big step for Celeste, it would move her away from that inexperience that constantly caused her to be insecure.

Justin pressed his lips against hers; he waited until her lips relaxed before moving any further. He wanted to make sure she was completely comfortable with the situation, or at least sentimental Justin did.

His tongue escaped past his lips to trace the soft fullness of her lips in a delicately slow manner causing her heart to hammer in her chest. When it appeared that she was okay with it he applied more pressure, coaxing her lips apart until he was granted access into the warm caverns of her mouth.

Celeste didn’t know what to do; she had never been kissed in such a way that robbed her of rational thought. Right now she felt as if she was barely participating in the kiss and when Justin’s tongue traced the outline of her lips her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach, but she didn’t stop him; too many new delicious feelings were swarming through her. She couldn’t even keep her eyes open like he had ordered her to.

Then someone groaned, Celeste didn’t know who it came from, but when Justin pulled away she assumed it came from him.

“Yes half pint.” Justin turned to his side to see the toddler staring up at him questionably with a hand on his arm.

Half-pint? Tati! Celeste hoped to God that her sister hadn’t seen her and Justin kissing.

“Justin what ya doing to Cee? Cee makin’ funny noises.” Evidently she had seen, rather heard them kissing.

Justin started laughing at the look of shock on Celeste’s face. “Go back to sleep half-pint, Justin’s done with your sister.”

Tati obeyed his orders and rolled over on her side away from them.

“You too Celeste, go to sleep.”

“How can I go to sleep now after-” He silenced her with a soft kiss on the lips. For some reason he knew he would be the one having trouble sleeping tonight.

“I hear you.” Tati giggled referring to Celeste’s noises again. Celeste quickly pulled away from him and placed her hand over her sister’s ear.

“Goodnight Celeste.”

“Goodnight to you too Justin.” Using her free hand, she pulled him towards her by grabbing onto his muscled shoulder and captured his lips in a brave kiss. It lasted not more than a few seconds, but the fact that she had improved did not go unnoticed by Justin.

“Thanks.” She said after they separated.

“You’re welcome.” He walked away from the bed desperately needing to put some much needed space between them.