Chapter 6: At Your Best

Mya gazed at Josh as he joined her on the bed. “No you don’t understand.”

Josh frowned at her. “I do understand Mya.” After what they’ve talked about, he couldn’t believe that she would say that. They were the only ones that knew each other’s darkest secrets.

She shook her head. “No you really don’t.” Mya released a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair.

“Well then tell me. We already got all our other shit out in the open.” He attempted to move closer to her but she moved away. What now? She wasn’t shying away from him just a minute ago.

“It sounds kinda silly when I think about it now.” She tried to laugh, but failed miserably.

“I’m not laughing am I?” He said seriously as he gazed at her intensely.

“Your eyes…” Mya started but didn’t continue. It was as if his intense gaze saw right into her.

Josh brushed her hair behind her ear so he could get a better look at her face. She wasn’t crying, but she definitely looked very sad. He wanted to know what was occupying her thoughts that she wasn’t focused on what was occurring between the two of them.

“I’m not perfect.”

“No one is perfect. You and I both know that.” Her soft skin fluttered as he stroked the back of her hand. He knew she was enjoying it when he saw her eyes flicker.

 “There was this one guy I used to date when I was in college…well before I dropped out-”

“Shh.” Josh placed his finger on her lips to quiet her. He didn’t want to hear about how some other guy may have did her wrong because he didn’t want to feel sorry for her. That was the last thing he wanted to feel for her right now.

Mya smiled a little and removed his hand, “You are so understanding, it’s almost sickening.”

Josh laughed, “I remember saying the same thing to you not too long ago.”

“But that was different.”

“That’s where you are wrong. It’s the same. We understand each other.”

Josh was trying his best to be as “understanding” as he claimed to be by suppressing the urge not to lay her back on the bed.

“When I was in college…” She paused to hold up her hand, pleading with him not to interrupt her this time.

“His name was Marcus.”

“Mya, I don’t want to hear about this.” Josh protested.

“He always told me how beautiful I was. How beautiful my artwork was.” She continued ignoring him. “My grandmother adored him but she didn’t really know him. He had so many flaws, yet at one point I found myself in love with him anyway.” She laughed bitterly.

Josh reclined against the pillows so that he was lying down gazing up at her while she talked.

“He was a sweet talker that man. He always talked about how we belonged together, that we were made for each other. How dumb I was…I didn’t find out that he’d only meant it in the physical sense until I was lying underneath him while he belittled me for not wanting to have sex with him.” Expecting tears to fall at any minute, Mya wiped at her eyes.

Josh sat up on instinct as if he knew it was time to comfort her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms. “I told you I didn’t want to hear it. You don’t listen, Mya.”

She proved his last words to be true as she carried on with her story. “He was all like, “Baby you don’t want to make love with me?” Love?” She spat. “I knew nothing of that sort. It was just sex to him, no matter how sweet his words may have sounded or how tempting his kisses had been.” She finally ended looking to Josh.

“Are you done now?”

Mya nodded, releasing a breath. She hadn’t realized retelling that experience would get her so worked up. And in front of Josh nonetheless. She could just bet that she looked pitiful, that he was feeling sorry for her now.

 “Good.” He placed a quick gentle kiss against her chin. How meaningless it seemed, still her senses couldn’t ignore it. He might’ve as well kissed her lips because the sensation she had just experienced was synonymous to that.

“No more singing the I’ve been done wrong song. That’s not important now.” Then what is, Josh asked himself as he kissed her, this time on the forehead.

“Okay.” Mya replied just before his lips captured hers. The moan she fought to restrict escaped causing him to pull her closer. Her hands unconsciously moved to his face.

Why was she setting herself up for this again? How far would things go before she decided that she had enough, she couldn’t go through with it? Then would he treat her like Marcus had, calling her obscene names because he hadn’t gotten his way? Could she handle that again?

The truth was she didn’t see that happening. Maybe she had judged him wrong, but she couldn’t see him demeaning her if she changed her mind. Of course he would be frustrated but he wouldn’t put her down because of it.

Josh never knew that words could be so powerful, but for some reason her experience had ignited the need to prove that other guy wrong. He wanted her to know the difference between love and sex. Not that he loved her…they just had an understanding, a connection.

But a thought nagged him. Would she reject him as she had Marcus? Maybe she was just a tease who let a man get as far as she allowed before she pushed them away? How far would she allow him to get?

He realized he didn’t have enough time to find out. Yet, he would move things slowly. Okay, not so slow, he decided as he attempted to free her from her top while her arms were around his neck. Only after he told her to lift her arms was he able to remove the shirt.

He stared, more like gawked at her while taking in the beautiful picture she made in front of him. Her body was definitely not one to overlook, but it was her vulnerability that had him taken. Everything that had happened to her during the course of her life had left her open in more ways than one.

Josh reached around to touch her back. He never touched her bare skin before now. He was glad that he hadn’t because he didn’t think he would have been able to control himself. She was so hot, and she was sweating. He could feel the moisture on his hands. He hoped she was not panicking.

Mya felt extremely self-conscious in front of him with her bra and…his boxers on. She felt weird as well with him touching her. When she lied beneath Marcus she had been fully clothed. The closest he had come to seeing her naked was unbuttoning her jeans. She had stopped him after that. Yet, Josh, still a stranger in her mind despite their connection, had seen almost all of her.

“What are you doing that for?” Josh asked as she folded her arms across her chest. “You don’t have to do that.” His hands moved over her entire back as if to coax her.

Mya didn’t know what encouraged her to abide and drop her arms. She was sure it wasn’t his words though. It was the alcohol. That rum that had made her feel so good a while ago was now affecting her judgment. 

Yes it was. Her thoughts were now running back to what she had never let a man do as before Josh. Never had a man removed a piece of clothing from her body but he’d managed to remove her shirt. She watched him toss it aside. On instinct she covered herself.

Josh chuckled; it was barely above a whisper. “Okay, I won’t leave you by yourself.” He lifted his arms. “Go head. Take it off.”

“What?” Mya choked. Take what off? She wasn’t ready to take off her bottoms.

Josh saw the fear in her eyes. He had to hurry this up. “I meant me, my shirt. I want you to take it off.” She refused shaking her head swiftly. “Mya?”

Mya embraced herself tighter. Her gaze drifted elsewhere as if she was looking for somewhere to go. As she was preparing to move Josh grabbed her.  He secured her underneath him.

“No. I need to get my stuff. I need to…” Her words died. She was having a fit in her mind. This position was all too similar to prior experiences. She should push him away right now but she hesitated.

Mya used her hands to keep him from seeing her breast covered in the lace bra instead. She vied to never drink alcohol ever again, not one sip.

“Why do you keep covering yourself?” He grasped onto her hands.

“Cause I don’t want you to see me.”

“I haven’t seen you!” He didn’t yell at her but anyone could tell he was frustrated.

“I don’t know you. You don’t know me.”

Same ol’ stuff.  “I know things about you doesn’t that count?” He realized that he sounded just like that fool Marcus. This was probably how it happened. Marcus had probably said whatever he thought she wanted to hear until she out right refused him.

“Sweet talking won’t work.” Mya confirmed what he had been thinking all along.

“Okay Mya.” Josh sat up quickly despite the ache between his legs. “You wanna leave? Go.”

“Really?” Mya used her elbows to push her body up into a sitting position. She still didn’t want him to see her. She was relieved though that he let her up. She couldn’t handle the ache between his legs anymore either.

“I can go?”

“Hell no. I can’t let you leave now.” He pushed her back so that they were in their previous position. She released a small laugh. He had accomplished his goal. She had relaxed.

“You don’t know what you’re doing remember?” She said this time.

“Yes.” Josh absorbed her lips. When he released them he continued. “And neither do you. But our thoughts are not what’s controlling us here-”

“It’s the alcohol.” Mya interrupted.

“Maybe.” He agreed encasing her hips in his hands.  “But it’s something else too.”

“I should have never come here. I should have left when you licked that duck sauce off my finger.” She murmured causing Josh to laugh. Mya raked her fingers through her hair. She didn’t realize that she had moved her hands until Josh was staring at her.

Grabbing her hands, he didn’t give her a chance to cover herself again. He put her hands around his neck and used his chest to cover her instead. He pressed himself against her so fast, he doubted he caught a glimpse of her. “See there you’re covered…I can’t see you.” But he felt her. Her body was responding to him. Despite all she had said, he had been right.

“Josh you don’t know what you’re doing?” Mya repeated right before he kissed her chin again. That action as simple as it was had become so erotic to her. It was tempting her. She couldn’t be tempted!

“Yes I do. I-know- what-I’m-doing.”  He whispered only for her ears, though no one else was in the room. A kiss against several spots on her neck followed after each word.

 “We should be grieving Josh.” She whispered through tight-closed lips.

“This is how I grieve.” Josh admitted, yet he didn’t want Mya to take it as if he slept with countless women whenever he was feeling down. He didn’t do that anymore. Just like alcohol it had all been worthless.

Still she was mad. Mya began pushing at his chest. “I told you I wasn’t a whore. Find someone else to grieve with.”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” Yet, she wouldn’t stop. “Mya, I said I didn’t mean it that way.” He gripped the pair of legs that he had been thinking of all night and wrapped them about his waist. He sighed kissing the hollow space between her breasts.

Mya breathed running her fingers through his hair. She had been tempted. It was official.

Except the occasions when she closed her eyes, she just lied there watching him like a fly against a window pane. She didn’t know what else to do. She wanted to touch him like he was touching her, but she was unsure and it was against her better judgment.

“You’re laying there like I’m taking advantage of you.” He said coming back face to face with her after reaching over into his pockets. She shook her head.

“Then what’s up?” Was she changing her mind? She never answered him though. She touched his face instead.

“If we do this, what will it mean when this is all over? There are so many things you don’t know about me, and I know so little about you.” Her troubled eyes searched his for answers.

Joshua leaned down to kiss her forehead, “We will deal with it when this is all over.” He hadn’t wanted to tell her that she had touched him in a way that he had never been touched before.

“Two people couldn’t go through this much together without consequences.” She rose to meet the lingering kiss he placed on her lips.

“Sometimes it’s strange how life brings people together. And I know, it can’t get much stranger than how we got here.” He looked down at her intently.

Mya studied his sincere features and strong feelings began to stir inside her. She may end up feeling like a fool, but for now…she was just going to let whatever happens, happen.

Before he had been the one in control, but somehow she had mustered up some of her own. Actually, it was enough for her to push him onto his back, leaving him beneath her.

He looked up at her with wide eyes. He now felt as defenseless as she had and he didn’t like it. He liked being in control more.

Josh reversed their positions. “Don’t…” He moved closer to her. Josh placed warm lips against the hollow of her throat as he spoke, emitting a groan when her hand touched one hardened pectoral and again when her hand ran over his chest to touch the other.

Completely aroused now, his lips descended on hers as she lay pinned beneath him. This time as his head descended toward her, he could feel her hands reach up to aid its progress, and his loins stirred with the promise of her kiss.

A chill encased Mya as his mouth covered hers; she was giving into his touch.

Josh withdrew his mouth from hers to longingly rub his temple against hers, then sought out her willing mouth again as he reached down in between their bodies to caress the expanse of her waist.

When she felt the pad of his thumbs reach into the boxers she wore, she knew there was no turning back now.

“No you first.” She nervously grabbed his hands and placed them on the drawstring of his sweat pants.

Josh sat up and held her hands against his as they both pushed the pants down his waist. When her knuckles mistakenly grazed the evidence of his desire so clearly outlined in his boxer briefs, someone gasped, neither knew from whom it came.

Mya was suddenly consumed with guilt, confusion, and fear…but she knew she wanted Josh as much as he evidently wanted her. It felt good to be wanted by someone. So when he resumed to undressing her she did not stop him this time.

When smooth honey brown legs appeared in front of him, Josh almost lost it. Her bikini-cut underwear covered her nakedness, which was a relief to him, for he would be inside her warmth by now.

He took his time undressing her and now she lay in front of him completely unclothed.

Mya covered her hands over her breasts when she noticed he was still dressed in his briefs. “You are still dressed.” She looked down pointedly at his briefs.

Josh lifted himself and turned from her to sit on the side of the bed and remove his briefs.

Mya observed him as nervousness set in again. She had noted Josh’s lean, but not skinny form; he had muscles were it mattered. He turned back to her and hovered above her.

“Happy?” He asked.

Mya looked down in between their bodies at the thick head of his shaft. She was at a lost for words.

Gently, he cupped his hands over her face and brought her mouth back to his. Mya closed her eyes. Josh’s mouth wandered over the planes of her face, to her ears and to that extremely sensitive spot behind her ear. He lingered there for a moment and she melted against him.

They were both filled with so much passion that every other consideration was crowded out. Josh’s gentle hands seemed to be everywhere as they climbed under the sheet together.

In her mind and with her body Mya could clearly define his weight, his stomach pressed against hers. He pushed her legs apart and settled between them. Gradually Mya began to adjust to the weight and feel of his body on hers. The skin of his chest was smooth as it pressed against her breasts.

Josh loved the feel of her velvety skin against his own. He looked down at the body of perfection, fascinated by the milk chocolate of her skin. Her breasts were small, but full. He bent toward her closing his eyes. His tongue touched the hollow space between her breasts again. Mya sighed deeply and automatically arched her hips. She drew his head closer to her body.

Mya couldn’t believe what was happening, delicious feelings swarmed her and heat swirled in her body. She twisted and heaved beneath him as he his tongue touched the peak of her breast and slowly drew it into his mouth.

She bit down on her bottom lip silencing her cry of pleasure. The feeling was completely new to her.

Josh suddenly lifted his hips, balancing his weight on his forearms, rolling to his side for a moment. He was putting on a condom to protect her.

Mya’s mouth quivered, she hadn’t even put a thought to protection.

He returned to her with a searing kiss. He stroked and touched and kissed her gently until she was open and helpless beneath him. Balancing his weight again, he slid into her.

Burying his face between Mya’s neck and shoulder, he groaned in erotic torture. She was so tight he feared moving, but his desire for her overrode everything else in his life at that moment…except…too tight.

His mind registered the meaning a second before her sharp inhalation confirmed it.