As Long as there is Love-Chapter 18
Because he’s a prick. He left us when we needed him the most. And he forgot about us and went to some other woman. Her mind rambled off these thoughts, yet the words were left unspoken. Instead, she chose words that she felt would please everyone except her.
“I never said I didn’t like your daddy.” She fronted a smile for her daughters before instantly directing her gaze at Justin. “I may act like it but I don’t.” She told him.
Nina was unable to sustain eye contact with him as she spoke her next words. She hung her head. “I love your daddy.” She whispered prior to raising her head. “And y’all should too.” She added cheerfully.
“There. I have answered your question.” She flopped back against the wall and as usual folded her arms under her breast.
Indeed, she had answered their question, yet not truthfully. She had lied when she said she liked Justin. She didn’t like him. She couldn’t stand him. Still, as stupid as it seemed, she loved him. He was marrying someone else…and she loved him. Stupid.
While Nina was criticizing herself, Justin observed the expressions playing across her face after she had spoken words that he had assumed were dead to her. She had whispered them, but he heard them. He heard her say that she loved him. Perhaps he was meant to.
Perhaps she had meant it in a different sense. She loved him as his daughters would eventually love him. However, she was not in love with him.
Justin failed to believe that seeing as though she couldn’t even look him in the eye. He knew Nina still had feelings for him. Why do you care? You have a fiancée at home.
Justin ignored his subconscious and stood to assist Nina who had already begun to put Neece to bed. He watched as she pulled the blankets up to Neece’s chin and tucked it on each side of her little body. He proceeded to do the same for Nikki.
“Night night Little Bit.” Nina brushed back her hair and kissed her forehead.
“Night mommy I won’t let the bed bugs bite me okay?”
Nina laughed. “Okay Neece.” She headed over to Nikki’s bed, kissing her forehead and telling her goodnight.
“I defi-nite-ly love ya mommy.” Nikki told her once she managed to pronounce the word.
“I love you too baby.” She smiled, and then instructed Justin to turn off the lights. “Let’s go.”
Justin did as requested. When they reached the threshold a little voice spoke out in a yawn, “Love you too daddy.” Neither Justin nor Nina knew which twin had spoken the endearing words; still he felt his heart swell with pride.
Suddenly, he felt a vibration in his left pocket. It was his cell phone. And it was Michelle. He needed to make this a private call. “Um is there anywhere I can take this call?”
She directed him towards her room. “Oh I forgot to put on their night light.” Nina returned to the twins’ bedroom.
Justin entered Nina’s room. He was only able to get a quick glance of it before he had to answer his phone. He begun with an apology figuring that would stop him and Michelle from arguing tonight. It didn’t.
“What took you so long?” Her tone expressed insecurity.
“I had to help Nina put the twins to bed.”
“Oh.” Michelle fiddled mindlessly with her fingers. “You could’ve called and told me that you were there. I was worried. You don’t tell me where you go anymore.” She pouted.
“Because every time I tell you that I’m coming to see them you get upset. You won’t even let me bring my kids to my house, like it isn’t my house.”
“Because I can’t handle it you know that.” She admitted.
“Well, you should be able to by now. It’s been a month since I told you Shelly.” Justin explained.
“I know but still-”
Justin halted whatever reasoning she was about to give. “I’m the one that shouldn’t be able to handle it but I’m juggling it and my career. And I would expect as my wife, yes I said my wife because that’s where we’re heading, hopefully. Anyway I would expect that you would support any decision I make but I guess that’s asking too much of you.” He finished knowing he made her feel as he had felt when she had told him off a month ago.
“We’re not even married yet and our relationship is turning out to be like my parents.” Michelle replied distressed.
Justin was confused. They had never discussed her parents’ marriage. “What are you talking about?”
“My parents, their marriage, it was mess that they were always working on fixing. That always needed to be cleaned up. That’s all they cared about while most of time forgetting about me.” Justin continued to listen intently.
“I tried to please them I did, but they didn’t care. Even when I told them that we were getting married, they made you believe that they were happy for us, but I knew better. They couldn’t fool me.” She cried.
Now Justin understood why marriage was so important to her. She wanted to prove a point to her parents.
“So if you want this to work you have to be willing to try new things Shelly.” Justin told her as sincerely as possible.
“I can’t Justin, not yet. I’m not prepared!” She went off on him.
“Ok fuck it then. Let me know when you’re ready.” Justin hung up tossing the minimal object behind him. The cell phone fell softly to middle of the bed and so did he.
Justin sighed looking up at the ceiling. He reached out to grasp one of Nina’s pillows. The silky smooth material of her pillowcase felt like heaven against his face.
“I know ya not going to sleep in my bed.” Nina accused as she reached to turn on the light.
Justin stopped her, “Don’t.”
“Why not? What’s wrong with you?” She moseyed to the bed, turning on the light anyway. Being hesitant at first, she took a moment before sitting. He has me scared to sit on my own bed, she shook her head stroking the sheets.
Justin finally turned to her. She observed two things, a scowl and red eyes. “Are ya crying or were you?” Nina asked.
He wiped at his eyes. “Yeah.” Justin admitted. “I’m a punk I know.” He joked casually.
“Never said you were a punk, coward yes, but never a punk.” Nina smiled shoving his shoulder.
“Oh yeah that was Ronnie.”
“Tell me what happened?” She asked seriously.
Justin decided that he would indulge her, yet as discreetly as possible. He couldn’t have her hating him yet, not when progress was being made.
He managed to eliminate Michelle’s name during his entire explanation. Well, he almost slipped up once, but Nina hadn’t noticed. She was too distracted with fondling her damn sheets. Had she even listened to any part of what he had been saying for the last ten minutes? Did he just pour his heart out to her in vain? Justin sighed. He wasn’t sure.
Nina didn’t look up. She just continued to caress the sheets with the tips of her manicured nails. She heard every word Justin had spoken but she wasn’t going to give him the comfort he was asking for. She wasn’t that stupid to comfort another woman’s man. It didn’t matter that he was staring at her now, almost pleading it seemed. She wasn’t a home wrecker.
“I saw what you did.” Justin uttered as Nina stood. “What are you talking about boy?” She told him with her hand on her hip as always.
“How you tucked the twins in, brushing their hair back and kissing their foreheads.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “You got that from me.”
She rolled her eyes, “So what’s ya point?”
“Nothing.” Justin snickered propping himself up on one elbow. “It’s just that I used to do that to you.”
“Why ya bringing up old shit?” Nina pounced on the bed.
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe because I’m sorry for how everything ended. I figured that since you didn’t call me you didn’t care. I placed all the blame on you because I didn’t want it to be my fault.”
Nina almost stood after his moment of admission. She was furious. All the accusations were because he wanted her to feel as if she was the one to blame.
“And ya blaming your fiancée now too?”
“What?” Justin sat up. “She’s the one acting like a baby.”
“So I was acting like a baby too?” Nina smirked.
Justin groaned into his hands. “What the hell are you talking about Nina? You know what, I don’t need this.” He stood up to leave.
“I bet you say that a lot.” He did. “It means you’re giving up.”
“So what? What do you want me to do Nina?” He tossed his arms up in frustration. “You want me to admit it? Okay.” Justin stomped towards the bed and he threw himself beside her.
“I gave up. There, I said it. Everything was my fault.” He hung his head low in his hands.
“Justin.”
“What? It’s what you wanted me to say.” He was trying to apologize to her and make things right between them, but it was like every time he made a step forward she was there to push him a step back.
He never once blamed her for what had happened between them, which ultimately caused the demise of their relationship and he reminded her of that fact.
“I know.” She couldn’t say the same for herself though. There were nights years ago, when she cursed his name until the tears wouldn’t fall anymore.
“We used to be so good at this…this talking thing. We could talk for hours Nina back then.” Justin paused to look up at her and laugh.
“But now we can barely have a polite conversation with each other.” Nina finished for him.
Justin shook his head agreeing with her. He reached over to cradle her hand in his.
“Don’t Justin.” She tried to retract her hand and rise from the bed to leave. Wait this is my room. With that thought, she lowered back down on the bed and successfully removed her hand from his grasp.
“I think we should try to be friends for the twins’ sake. They should have parents that can be civil around each other.” He reasoned.
Where is he getting this sappy stuff? “Justin have you been watching Oprah?” She raised a brow at him.
“No Maury.” He corrected.
“What are you watching that for?” Justin shrugged in response.
“I don’t know because-Nina can we get back to the topic at hand? I know you are trying to change the subject. You were always good at that among other things.”
Nina blocked Justin’s attempt at playful flirtatiousness. “Friends? Okay we can do that.”
“You said no before but thanks.”
“For what?” She was confused she hadn’t done anything that was deserving of gratitude.
“Everything.” Justin smiled.
Nina understood now. She had given him the same answer when he had asked why she had apologized.
Nina smiled back slightly avoiding his gaze. “Ya welcome.”
“Well-” Halting her explanation and catching her off guard, Justin pushed her back on the bed. In her effort to evade him, she rolled off the bed, but managed to catch the lapel of Justin’s shirt bringing him down with her.
Justin landed beside her, careful not to crush her with his weight.
“Ow!” Nina held her side, laughing aloud when the pain subsided.
“Shh…Ronnie’s going to have your ass if you wake her up.” Nina muffled her laugh because she definitely did not want Ronnie of all people coming in.
“I don’t want that.” Then his lips were against hers in a bruising, yet ironically gentle kiss.
Initially caught with her guard down, Nina was resistant, pushing against his shirt. However, that shirt was now crumpled in her fists, pulling him closer.
Justin couldn’t help himself. A kiss that had been intended to be quick and meaningless--just to express his gratitude—just between friends--had him inching closer to her, closer towards dangerous territory; one that he was familiar with, but had not been reacquainted with until now.
The sound of footsteps ended the moment before it could escalate into anything more.
Nina pushed Justin away and quickly stood to her feet. She looked back at him as tears burned her eyes.
While covering her mouth to suppress her shock and to wipe the memory from her lips, Nina opened the door running from the room. Oncoming tears blurred her vision and she bumped into Ronnie on her way downstairs.
Ronnie regained her footing right before Justin stumbled into her while following Nina. “I mean damn do y’all not see a pregnant woman standing here!”